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“It’s the most wonderful time of the year,” says the song that plays repeatedly on the radio from sometime in the middle of November till right before New Year.

“The hap-happiest season of all.”

I admit it. I like that song. It taps into something warm and fuzzy deep inside me no matter how contrary I may feel or what I’m experiencing at the time.

Christmas

The single biggest, most important holiday in the Western world. And you don’t need to be Christian, or particularly religious to know, or enjoy it in some way or another.

What is it about this day that captivates and consumes unlike all the other holidays put together? That could be a post in and of itself, but for today we’ll simply stick to the fact that, regardless of the reason, Christmas is filled with emotion, romance, idealism, history, and expectations. Oh, so many expectations.

Christmas

I’m all for traditional stuff; large gatherings, decorations, and even presents, but only if they mean something, and only if they don’t cost us our peace. And that’s usually where the monkey wrench comes whizzing in from out of nowhere and screws everything up.

The pursuit of all the hype and expectations for what Christmas “should” be often costs decent people a good chunk of peace (and money too), depending on who or what they “have to” spend it on.

If we believe that Christmas is about Christ (granted, commercialism typically leaves Jesus in the dust) then our celebration of Christmas ought to center on our understanding of the Savior. But nothing about Christ – his birth and beyond, or his perfect character -- is forced, contrived, coerced, or done for show. Neither should anything that has to do with celebrating and honoring Christ, including Christmas. Christmas should be nothing but a genuine, humble, and heartfelt celebration.

Not pressure or obligation

Not PR about how perfect and happy you/they are

Not smiling while choking back tears the whole time

Not small talk that’s making your insides implode

Not putting on a brave face counting the seconds till you can get out of there

Not used as a tool to “fix” serious relational issues

Not spending money you don’t have just to [insert man-made expectation].

Not feeling alone even if you’re surrounded by dozens of people.

Not cringing when your soul is longing for something deep but knowing you’re not going to find it here, yet here you are. Again.

Nothing except heartfelt, authentic, and meaningful.

Then, and only then, can the twinkling lights, the overladen dinner tables, the presents, and the joy of these experiences, begin to represent the true spirit of Christmas: Christ. The moment there’s any twinge of showiness for appearance’ sake, coercion of others, or gluttonous consumerism, it ceases to be about Christ and becomes all about ME.

I think this is where Christmas has gone horribly wrong. It’s become everything but what it’s meant to represent: peace. For many, the holiday is a burden rather than a blessing. Not just financially, but also relationally.

But life handed us the chance to shift course. If nothing else, 2020 backed us into a corner where we had the rare opportunity to examine ourselves and our priorities, whether we liked it or not. This included examining what Christmas meant to us individually, and how we chose to celebrate, or not.

Remember…

Jesus was not born on December 25th. There is no biblical command to observe Christmas as we experience it. There is no inherent sin in choosing not to partake, in any or all of it. Let that free you from outside human pressures and expectations to engage in a way you’d rather not, or at all if you so choose.

Honestly, I can count on one hand the number of Christmases where I’ve experienced genuine child-like Christmas cheer and spirit in my entire life, which is why I’m so good at understanding what it’s not.

I’ve also learned that in order for Christmas to mean something beyond all the fun stuff, there must be intentional, prayerful and personal effort to make the season about Christ and in doing so, finding the courage to go against the flow of what others do, or the expectations being placed on you.

Maybe, like me, you long for your own Hallmark Christmas. I often wonder if the reason we poke fun at Hallmark Christmas specials is because we’re secretly jealous of the unadulterated, child-like joy they portray, in all its cringey, eye-rolling, predictable glory.

But in the real world Christmas isn’t a Hallmark movie. It’s not that black and and white. Human relationships are nuanced and complex. Finances are challenging. Christmas can be downright painful for some for many different reasons of which we know nothing. But I think the appeal in theses cheezy movies is that they tap into something very deep and real; our desire for love, belonging, happy surprises, and miraculous answers to long-time prayers. (And the One we celebrate at Christmas is the only one who can fill that need, wholly and forever, 365 days a year.)

Choosing to do Christmas considerably different than you have in the past, including—*horrified gasp*-- being alone, may not be easy, but it’s worth it if it represents freedom and peace of mind from outside pressures, and the opportunity to really focus on Christ in a way that is meaningful and memorable to you.

How are you spending your Christmas this year? Are you thinking of doing something different? Has the world changed in a way that you have to do something different? Will that different mean being alone? Here are a few tips for not just surviving Christmas, but experiencing it in a positive and memorable way, no matter how quiet or different it may be.

Mindset reset

Remember, there is no shame and no sin in not partaking of traditional festivities. Even within the context of paring things down, especially in post-pandemic life, you’re still not required to do any of it. Take a proactive approach in how you think about Christmas. Pray for enlightenment and clarity so that you’re not bogged down with false guilt or shame should you choose to do something unconventional or different.

Keep Christ in Christmas

Watch The Chosen. Read the Gospels. Write a thank you letter to Jesus. Create a Christ focused Christmas song playlist (these are some of my favorite songs). Listen to said playlists out in nature, as weather allows. Prepare a special dinner. Bake a special “Birthday” treat in honor of Jesus’ birth. Are you a creative? Start a Christ themed project that is meaningful to you. It doesn’t have to be Christmas-y, just Christ themed.

Prepare a food or care basket for someone – anyone!

A homeless person, a single parent, your elderly next door neighbor, your pastor, even a local bff that you see all the time just because you love her/him and that’s reason enough.

Stay connected

If you choose to do Christmas alone, let at least one safe person or safe group chat in your life know what you’ll be doing, and check in with them regularly.

Stay low key

In the same breath as staying connected to some, I would also suggest disconnecting from the masses just a tad. Don’t broadcast your “different” Christmas plans. Make this a private VIP event between yourself, Jesus, and anyone you choose to invite.

Plan and Stock up

Be sure to stock up on good eats and basic supplies ahead of time. Have plenty of water, beverages of choice, fruit, snacks and treats, and ingredients for some of your favorite meals on hand, as well as nice smelling blankets and pjs. Create movie or music playlists ahead of time, have a few good reads in mind, or any other necessities for activities you enjoy (Painting? Photography? Puzzles? Crafts? Writing?) Be intentional in how you spend your day(s) leading up to Christmas, and even through to New Year.

Pressures to participate in Christmas in any way whatsoever usually have more to with someone “needing” you to help fulfill their expectations of Christmas rather than them genuinely wanting you to enjoy yourself. Life is too short to be a prop in someone else’s production, my friends. Don’t be afraid to press the No button. (Soapbox: No adult has the right to dictate to another adult how they “should” do Christmas, period. Don’t be that adult in someone else’s life.)

But if you do choose to celebrate or participate in some way, don’t wait for anyone to hand you a perfect greeting card Christmas. Make your own, even if that means curling up in your jammies alone with a cup of tea, a good book or movie, in quiet and prayerful anticipation of the greatest gift of all: peace of mind.